Original photography, served fresh, and shit I find funny, served lukewarm.
*snort* oh my god, people are fucking idiots. did she respond?
she just kind of smiled, it’s like, it wasn’t overtly unpleasant or anything, just so very unnecessary, you know? like there was a huge rack of halloween costumes in the next aisle so i could put my dog in a godzilla outfit for a laugh, but i shouldn’t put him in a feminine collar because it might hurt his manly dignity
why do people obsess about gender identifying their DOGS
i took archie to petsmart today to get him a new harness and he was happily pulling shit off the rack while a lady was cooing over how beautiful he was (true) and how smart (sure, if you say so) when he tried to get at a pink one and she was like, “oh, buddy, you don’t want a pink leash! that’s so girly!”
i just stared at her blankly and said “you know he’s color blind, right”
here’s beethoven’s moonlight sonata rendered in airhorns. you know, if that was something you needed
I will now forever imagine this as the background music whenever there’s a scene in a movie that highlights PROFOUND, GRITTY MANPAIN.
omg rachael we need to include that in a film at some point
IT WILL APPEAR IN THE SCRIPT NOTES AS “CUE: MANPAIN SONATA”
MANPAIN SONATA OH MY GOD
and then everything will go dim save for a single overhead light above the actor
Stubble McManpain sits on a wooden chair in his kitchen, breathing deeply in an attempt to manfully hold in his tears.
CUE: Manpain Sonata
INTERCUT: Exterior, street. Stubble McManpain falls slowly to knees as woman in scarlet high heels walks slowly away. Her hair whips in the wind. PS reaches out toward her uselessly. She glances over her shoulder just as, in super slow motion, she is plowed down by a cement mixer.
Stubble McManpain’s kitchen grows progressively dimmer, save for a single light illuminating his craggy, manly face filled with craggy, manly pain. The light is revealed to be the light of the freezer, from which he withdraws a pint of Chunky Monkey.
INTERCUT: One of the scarlet stiletto shoes tumbling across the sidewalk in super slow motion. Stubble McManpain is seen, indistinctly, howling his agony in the background. A beagle on a leash pauses to nose at the shoe curiously.
Manpain Sonata intensifies as Stubble McManpain begins to eat the Chunky Monkey with a large, manly spoon and sob. Half-melted ice cream dribbles slowly down his chin.
Scary! My husband was listening to that song earlier tonight!!! I remember listening to that song on my WALKMAN! :)
that’s amazing, now i’m dying that any two people on earth were listening to the fine fresh musical stylings of tag team today
prosecutor: would you mind stating your age, for the record?
me: i owned whoomp there it is on cassette tape
now i’m picturing allison calling us all to lineup and i come flying in late like
You are just so precious. Seriously, grilled cheese is the only thing that I can cook. Everything else, I manage to screw up royally. I once burned a frozen lasagna in the oven. I’m just terrible at everything cooking related, really.
omg THANK YOU IT’s NOT JUST ME
so husband does the “cooking,” but that actually means he just makes frozen lasagnas and pizzas and those skillet things you just throw in a pan and stir around, because i just